So I guess I should list the disasters that befell me over the last 24 hours, just to prove once and for all that I am a cursèd man.

• Did not start raining seriously until I was crossing the field to the campsite.
• My new biolite stove, which I was very much looking forward to cooking on, is not allowed on the campsite.
• My watch charger, a cute lightweight item that can plug into either old style usb or usb c, does not actually work with power banks. at all. pick update having got home and tried it in a plug, it turns out it is just shite.
• I had taken a lightweight summer sleeping bag, this was not enough as it was freezing during the night.
• My dehydrated food all turned out to be a nightmare, the hot chocolate was an unholy crime against nature.

On the bright side, I have still not had to use the shameful item. Although I probably should have last night as it might’ve meant a better nights sleep.

It also cannot be denied, it’s a stunning day today, sunny, blue skies, not pissing it down or a thunderstorm; it seems that yesterday’s weather did not set the bar very high.

I have not decided if I am gonna tough it out for another night, but will certainly sit and soak up the atmosphere and sunshine until the evening.

In the end I got the train back home, cooked a Chicago town pizza, with the stuffed crust, and ate the entire thing before going to bed and sleeping like I was a hibernating bear.

Sooo I am back in the New Forest, after updating some of my kit and also just wanting to celebrate the start of summer. Cut down on all of the equipment to make it as light as possible and it was still heavy as hell. but on the bright side, I still made it to the train station just in time for it to start raining. And I do mean pissing it down.

My pack, although very much whittled down, still weighed about the same as one of the ponies that keep wandering past my tent door, but I managed to get it here, so I will look forward to the immense back pain kicking in tomorrow. As I have always packed the tent with a rainy repitching in mind, it was actually quite a quick and simple job to get the tent up. Downside was that keeping the door open to get rid of all the steam coming off my damp clothing meant that the rain just filled up the doorway. I MacGuyvered a kinda awning by borrowing a spare guy rope from the fantastic people as Ashurst Campsite

Once I was in the tent, makeshift awning applied and all comfy, it was quite nice listening to the rain come down while I sat in the warm and dry. Admittedly, it did make me wanna pee, but rain stopped play as far as that was concerned.

I will mention this as an aside to the main text, but I purchased last year a… well I don’t know how to describe it other than a pisspot. It came with a shewee attachment that I have been at a loss to know what to do with. The bottom line is that it extends so, I assume, it can take a voluminous quantity of pee. I have taken it on a few camping trips but have never had the courage to use it yet. I will refer to it in future as ‘the shameful item’.

I has also taken with me a litre of my home brew cider, assuming that this would last me the evening, but by 1900 I was in the local pub as I had finished the home brew and decided more was in order. This decision was reached after two minibuses of kids rocked up and started pitching tents and gazebos opposite my pitch. I felt that and extra drop of cider would assist in ignoring them for the remainder of the night.

Slightly better night’s sleep still awake at 6 though. When I finally got myself up, the ponies started. So when you are first in the New Forest and the whole concept of wild ponies wandering about is a fresh state of affairs, you just wanna get some pics and exclaim, ”Wow this is incredible, they are so friendly.”

Then, it starts to become like a horror movie. Almost all animals, no matter how cute they are as individuals, tend to feel a bit menacing as soon as there are a bunch of them, especially if they keep staring at you. Horses aren’t even that cute to begin with, and they are big. It definitely seemed like I had popped my tent down in a patch that had been recently been getting rave reviews from whatever the equine equivalent of Tripadvisor. It got so that I was surrounded in my tent and at one stage, my solar panel was attacked by an horse who was obviously very heavily invested in the oil industry, or had some other anti-green energy agenda.

As the day wore on, it fast approached the time to depart, so I thought I would strike camp nice and early to give the groundsheet time to dry off so that i could pack it away in good time. Pulled up the pegs and everything was bone dry, so actually had to do nothing at all, meaning that I was all ready to go about 2 hours early. I left my bags at reception and headed to the pub. Can’t lie, the chips they did must have been the chunkiest you can make chips before they become jacket potatoes.

I then took a slow walk back to the campsite to await my lift, where I am currently sitting, in the shade of a tree, vibing with my spirit animals.

Wow, what a horrible night’s “sleep”. I definitely need to invest in a proper pillow, as that certainly did not help.. The trains barrelling through the night like banshees delivering their fatal warnings. Plus the rain, obviously it was gonna rain, it wouldn’t be a camping trip without it, but does it have to be so noisy?

When I woke, I had to get dressed and make my way to the toilet block, which was at about 6am. the only positive that I can offer is that sunrise was about 4am, and my eye mask thingies kept the light away. When I had wake up two, the day did look amazing, almost worth the bad night for the view.

Then, after having washed up my cook kit with no cloth or washing up liquid, I made a cuppa that tasted of curry, and lay there enjoying the tranquility. While I was enjoying the stillness, the Cheltenham cup felt like it was run past my tent. I swear one of them, if not jumped my tent, at least jumped the guy ropes. Managed to grab a quick shot of them disappearing into the trees. When I had recovered from this, I got up and sorted my shit out. Decided to go on a little walk. There were instructions at reception for a couple of walks, and I picked the easiest one, obviously. I have included the route below:

I barely got lost, only taking a wrong turn which meant I had to walk way further to get back over the railway tracks. At one stage I was practically opposite my tent, just on the other side of the rails. Got back and chilled for a bit, made some lunch, which had a faint taste of curry still, and then booked a late departure for tomorrow. Loads of ponies wandering around but still have not seen any deer.

Took a wander around to find a Co-op and some indigestion tablets, which although it wasn’t a huge walk, was hot as hell and seemed to take longer than it should have. Got fizzy water, a can of meatballs, some crisps and Gaviscon. Wandered back and my meanderings took me past the pub, so I thought it would be polite to stop in and freshen up. After a refreshing few pints, I took myself back to my tent and cooked the meatballs by boiling the can, as cleaning the stove was beginning to be a pain. This brought me inexorably to chilling and awaiting unconsciousness.

After what has been a scorching few days, followed by rain and misery as far as the weather is concerned, I have been recently stockpiling camping gear with the intention of going lone camping somewhere. I have been buying all the most lightweight items as i am a physical weakling and felt that if I have a tent that weighs less that a 2 litre bottle of lemonade, I should be onto a winner. My camping mattress is a thing of beauty, about the size and weight of a pixie’s fart and twice as fragrant. The cooking kit I just bought weighs the same as a can of beans, so I felt that even with my multiple physical infirmities, this should be a breeze.

The issue is that when you start adding food and clothing, the weight just piles on, until the point that I could barely lift the rucksack to get the train to Ashurst. Added to this, obviously, was the cool bag containing the 5 litre keg of beer, which I could not possibly be expected to go camping without. I decided that dragging all of this to the train station, and then across the New Forest to the campsite would be a hideous drain on my energy if I expected to drink all of that beer, so I chickened out and got an Uber.

Uber driver was a gent, dropped me right at the campsite, even though I cheekily set the destination for the village centre. Got settled in and also found out that the website had overcharged me so I got a refund processed. Then came the first real test, getting from the campsite office to wherever I wanted to pitch up. I was told I could do it anywhere so I was completely overwhelmed by choice. I picked a nice looking spot under a tree, enough out of the sun that I would not cook in the afternoon heat, but not so underneath it that I would be crushed by any falling branches.

Got myself settled and made a cuppa with my new camping stove. The thing is a beast; boiled water for a cuppa in about 50 seconds. Had a bit of a wander about to get my bearings and then headed to the pub for a refreshing pint.

Had a couple of these and then felt that a lie down would do me the world of good, so sauntered back to my tent and fixed up the mattress and sleeping bag. Had a quick glass of homebrew from the keg that was still icy cold.

When I woke up again, it was raining, absolutely pissing it down. I also discovered that trains run past Ashurst all through the night, and they don’t do it quietly. My incredible mattress is too narrow, so that if you wanna do anything with your arms, you are shit out of luck, and although I brought with me every kind of medication you could imagine, to deal with every possible disaster, I neglected heartburn. All in all, not my best night’s sleep ever.

Well I don’t really know what to say to cover everything since my last post. I guess most of it has been consumed by Covid, the rest has been consumed with work and feeling ill. Luckily I have avoided the cough and temperature, but this has not saved me from feeling like shit the majority of the year. I managed a few days of holiday like experience, and have brewed and drank a pint or two; although a the time I was blissfully unaware that they might be my last drinkies, as I have become teetotal, at least for the time being.

Sadly, there has not been time or energy for the allotment, which I fear I may lose, but did get a nice late crop of spuds from there and the bag in the garden.

I have made some new friends, some of whom I have instantly lost, and I have had way less funerals to avoid this year as last year.

I am entering 2021 with a sense of optimism, if only for the fact that while the morons run around with their masks warming their chins complaining loudly that Boris isn’t gonna ruin their socialising, I will be inside waiting for them all to die off, so the lucky survivors can get on with our lives when this finally dies out.

I have also discovered hash brown fries, ate reindeer for Christmas dinner, and have lost my shit to the ‘Clips’ app on iPhone and iPad. I have also experimented with the new mini HomePods, that are, for the record, amazing.

I will close this off with some photos, as this blog may no linger be here next year, I fail to see why I am bothering with it.

Have a great new year to me and anyone else who reads this.

I feel I should try and explain the cover photo of the last post, that appeared to be a brace and a half of bottles dangling upside down with greenery sprouting from them. Actually that was exactly what that photo was of, but it is well worth searching the internet for videos of people using old plastic bottles in the garden. What I have done is planted some upside down tomatoes, that against all expectation, seem to be thriving.

I do not believe these will be the first ones to be harvested this year, but they have survived a summer of horrific storms and winds, mainly due to their inverted lifestyle.

In fact, their dangling mitigated the wind quite nicely, and they turned out to be sweet and petite. When added to the yellow tumbling toms, they made an amazing pasta sauce.

Worth mentioning that the salad bowl at the top was salad from the garden with a mix of the tomatoes from the upside down bottles, and tumbling toms, with some home made mozzarella and free range quail eggs from a local farm. This is undoubtably the healthiest thing I have eaten this year.